October 5, 2004

| The Growl vs. the Grin >>

Tomorrow’s Democracy Deathmatch pits Johnny “Dreamboat” Edwards against Dick “STFU” Cheney. This is the fight we’ve all been waiting for — if “we all” means me, Xtina (thanks, Tim!), and New York Times election correspondent Todd Purdum.

A week ago, I couldn’t believe the fateful matchup was almost upon us, and I couldn’t wait to see it. Edwards vs. Cheney! It’s like matter vs. antimatter! Fire vs. ice! Will Smith vs. Tommy Lee Jones! It’s the bout of the century.

But then, a week ago, I hadn’t seen “Laguna Beach.”

Yeah. You heard me. The real O.C.

When I read this fawning NYT review of the show, I was morbidly curious. By the first commercial break at 10:38, I’d already changed my desktop wallpaper and bidded on a leather I Heart Talan iPod case on eBay.

And it wasn’t just Laguna Beach last Tuesday, either. Starting at 7 p.m., 9 p.m. Eastern Time, I was fastened to my couch as MTV treated me to the pilot of the glorious Gilmore-Girls-meets-CSI splendor of UPN’s “Veronica Mars.” By 8 p.m., I was already MTV’s love-monkey, during the back-to-back eppies of “The Real World: Philadelphia,” featuring TRW’s first ever gay black hottie castmate. Double the drama in half the time. Then, at 9, it was over to UPN to catch the next episode of Ronnie Mars, which finished just in time to watch the new Real World, and the Laguna Beach pilot.

The point is, teenstervision’s getting good. Bunim-Murray Productions has assembled a legitimately interesting cast for this year’s Real World. The trashy teen dramas are getting better scripted every season — unless they’re not scripted, in which case they’re better yet. Mark my words, we’re truly coming upon a golden age of bad television.

Whatever. Laugh now. Turn on “Veronica Mars” tomorrow night and give it two commercial breaks. You’ll come crawling back here, looking for links to the Television Without Pity discussion forums. And I’ll be waiting.

As for the debate, it starts at 9 p.m. Eastern Time. If I lived on the East Coast, there’d be a problem. But as it is, by the time that sassy blonde Veronica Mars utters her first boiling retort, Dick Cheney will be picking little bits of poor Johnny Edwards’ neck out of his teeth. And I’ll be here, blogging it.

Probably.