STEWART: You know, the interesting thing I have is, you have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.
CARLSON: You need to get a job at a journalism school, I think.
STEWART: You need to go to one. The thing that I want to say is, when you have people on for just knee-jerk, reactionary talk…
CARLSON: Wait. I thought you were going to be funny. Come on. Be funny.
STEWART: No. No. I’m not going to be your monkey. …
STEWART: I watch your show every day. And it kills me.
CARLSON: I can tell you love it.
STEWART: It’s so — oh, it’s so painful to watch. …
CARLSON: Is this really Jon Stewart? What is this, anyway?
Seriously, go read this. It’s amazing. You never see anybody actually get challenged in a real way on CNN. (Isn’t that weird?) But here’s an exception.
It goes on and on. Carlson and Begala try to duck him — try to drag the show back into the realm of empty media fluffery — but Stewart won’t let them:
STEWART: Yes, it’s someone who watches your show and cannot take it anymore.
STEWART: I just can’t.
CARLSON: What’s it like to have dinner with you? It must be excruciating. Do you like lecture people like this or do you come over to their house and sit and lecture them; they’re not doing the right thing, that they’re missing their opportunities, evading their responsibilities?
STEWART: If I think they are.
CARLSON: I wouldn’t want to eat with you, man. That’s horrible.
STEWART: I know. And you won’t. But the thing I want to get to…
BEGALA: We did promise naked pictures of the Supreme Court justices.
CARLSON: Yes, we did. Let’s get to those.
BEGALA: They’re in this book, which is a very funny book.
STEWART: Why can’t we just talk — please, I beg of you guys, please.
CARLSON: I think you watch too much CROSSFIRE. We’re going to take a quick break.
STEWART: No, no, no, please.
CARLSON: No, no, hold on. We’ve got commercials.
STEWART: Please. Please stop.
CARLSON: Next, Jon Stewart in the “Rapid Fire.”
STEWART: Please stop.
CARLSON: Hopefully, he’ll be here, we hope, we think.