Apparently the NCAA men’s basketball tournament costs U.S. companies millions in lost productivity in the month of March.
It is only appropriate, therefore, that I take a few moments out of my productive work-day to talk brackets.
Now, I am no college basketball grandmaster. I go to ESPN.com once a week to see how Michigan State is doing, but thazzit. Therefore, I cannot rely on actual NCAA expertise as I fill out my tournament bracket.
So instead, I use a set of arbitrary rules! (I am, of course, not alone in this.) Here they are, in descending order of influence. Given two schools:
- Alma Mater Clause: If one is MSU, it wins. Otherwise:
- Zags Clause: If one is Gonzaga, it wins. Otherwise:
- Nerd Clause A: If one has the word ‘Tech’ in its name, it wins. Otherwise:
- Nerd Clause B: If one is in the Ivy League, or is Stanford, it wins. Otherwise:
- Public Trust Clause: If only one is a state school, it wins. Otherwise:
- If It Must Come To This Clause: The school with the shorter name wins.
And that’s it. Hey, pimpin was never easy till now.